Seriously?!

So, I'm sitting here thinking about "seriousness".
When I was a child, I took pretty much everything seriously. Don't ask me why, but i was under the impression that I was a good Catholic Boy, and in order to be the best Catholic Boy ever, I had to take everything seriously.
Now, it's a little different/
There are precious few things I take seriously:
1. Houses/architecture
2. My friendships
3. my job, to an extent.

Everything else, I guess I'm pretty cavalier about; whether it be sex, which I'll get to later, or money, or like speed limits, romantic relationships, food (to an extent), and surprisingly, my music.
I take voice lessons, but I find myself practicing close to never. That's kind of a problem if I ever want to improve....
What is my issue?
Do I think I'm better than practicing? Above it?
I was contemplating this as I was walking in the blazing heat to voice lessons today.
I have found that most all things I commit to I like flake off in some way.
With the gym, I went but did I work out and improve my body? not really.
Voice lessons...am I talented? yes. Do I practice? no. Will I get better? not likely.
BY THE WAY
strawberry ice cream with chocolate jimmies is delicious.
Back to the point.
I think this lack of commitment is part of my nature as a Sagittarius. Procrastination is also part of my personality too, so that contributes.
But now to the big ticket item, sex.
I'll admit it, I like sex and I hook up every now and again. Certainly not on a regular basis, but if I'm feeling particularly sexual on a given day, I'll contact someone.
Then, when I was visiting my friend, he brought up the issue of "using my body to get what I want".
I thought that was good for me to hear, because in a sense I do. I certainly don't whore myself, but if I want sex, it's not a problem to get it.
I'm just very divided on this issue:
on one hand...
what the hell is the big deal?? I LIKE SEX! So what? everyone else and their mom does, but am I the only one willing to discuss it and be liberal in sex?
then on the other hand...
all my friends think I'm a cheap, easy manwhore.
I've been with a total of four people.
I really don't think that's bad at all.
Four.
out of like however many billions there are on the planet.
Despite my natural tendency to defend myself, I do see their point, because I've never had sex with someone I really liked and cared for.
However, that is simply a problem of finding the right person, and waiting I suppose, two things I'm not very good at.

"I Don't like talkin' bout mah' flair..."

If you can name that quote I will enjoy it muchly!

So, today. I went swimming, again, and then went to work. My brother complicated the day by saying he needed a ride, and then reneg-ing as I was out the door. At work, some guy looked at my hair, which was in the tousled/ruffled style I guess, and said, "Bad Hair Day??"
I just kind of laughed and told him I was swimming, but truly I wondered what would prompt one to say that. If I was in fact really having a bad hair day, do you think I would want to discuss it?
"Bad Hair Day??"
"Oh yes, you know it just was not agreeing with me! As a result, I missed my breakfast, and the bus to work and when I got over my hair insecurity, you just cam along and brought it up agian. Thanks!"
Little comments like that by customers who think we're like close just baffle me at time. In all honesty, it doesn't anger me, iI just find it a bit silly what some people have the audacity to day to another.
Case and Point:
on the Today Show, they had a segment about parents out and about dishing out parenting advice in a completely inappropriate and rude manner. I think we all know what I mean here.
Two mom at a playground, and one has the chutzpah to say something dumb, like Your son is a menace! Never again will I subject my children to such depravity!!" and mom A storms of, when Mom B's child was just like running around..being a child...
Can I get an Amen on any of this?

Better place than last night

So I think after last nights rant, I am more stable. I feel like I can breathe again, you know?
I have a small art collection that I ended up not being able to sell/display...
however...
I think I just want to send them to a couple of people.
Kind of like a secret santa....
of sorts lol.
nothing extremely note worthy happened today. I went swimming which was pretty sweet considering it was like 02859347587409.67 degrees out.
this week is pretty much a normal one for me..just the normal work, hangout here and there.
Thursday is the "Gap Denim Party" for the jeans that were a "two and 1/2 year labor of love"
..........
in my opinion, if it was such a process and a monumental task, then why are the jeans SO similar to those sold pre re-design?
Come on now, Gap! Don't short change me! I know that all you did was raise the wasit on the men's jeans by like 1/4 an inch.
you!
Retail is so silly.


So, now I've been feeling that I want to do Historic preservation in Haverhill, and I already have my office picked out. The corner of Essex and Granite Streets. All mine, Bitch!

Hung Up

I am completely hung up on someone (again), and it is completely illogical and I feel fucking retarded.
First off...
1. He lives 11 hours away
2. He's taken
3. He has a different idea of fun than I do
4. He doesn't chat like I do.
5. I know it would never work between with us.
SO why in God's green Earth am I hung up on him?????!?!
WHY?
I don't get it!
Am I one of those crazies who will cling to the first peson who shows an honest caring for another?
God I hope not.
I pray that's not why.
But it seems, it is.
ANd the worst part is, I have no hope for meeting someone just as cool as him.
here anyway
I should just be a nun. It's easier.
I have a hankering to call him, text him, talk to him, anything, something!
But....
I don't want to seem crazy (even though we all know I pretty much am at this point)
What the fuck is all I can say at this point I'm just so irritated with myself.
As of this moment, I officially give up on love.
The ONE human being that I like and respect and seems right for me is completely unavailable and not interested in that way, which he as made abundantly clear.
However, at points I have caught him lightly flirting.
And everytime I see him, or hear from him, I don't feel good enough.
Yes, this is turning slightly into a pity party but I have no where else to vent.
Like, I am really at a loss as to what to do.
Do I move on?
Do I lock this feeling away until a more convenient time?
Do I give up on love?
Do I continue?

Am I bothered?


extremely.

too philosophical?

I feel that sometimes I get too philosphical/analytical about life
I find myself thinking, thinking and thinking, then I wonder, what happened to living? apparently I forgot how to do that somewhere.
I've also noticed that I come on here and attempt to have a revelation of sorts, but it never works. I sign, all hopeful like a little boy at christmas, hoping someone will have found my blog and written amazing comments, and boom I've found my soul mate.
...I've yet to get anyone beyond my immediate circle to even look at my blog. How do I get random coolio readers?
Sienfeld is on. My brother and I have come into this new, late night routine of Seinfeld and really I am quite grateful. Last night was the Bette Midler episode. "((sob, sob, sob))....my((sob, sob)) frankfurter....((sob, sob)), oh no!...it felll" AAAHAHAH. that is probably the funniest episode.
Over my vacation, I attempted to play Oblivion.
If anyone has attempted the game, he will know about how it begins in jail.
Ummm..ya.
I died about like 5 times in the jailhouse, and couldn't find the effing captain for legitimately 20 minutes.
talk about a debaucle. Never again. I was at complete loss for how this is sooo entertaining. Not to knock it for others who play it, but it's not for me.
Honestly, I dont understand the whole current trend of living vicariously through a video game. WOW?
like...we have this thing....called Planet Earth.
and another thing, called life. ((back to life, hell yes, look at that connection!)). Like, is your life so completely dull that you have to hold yourself up in the family room, stuck in some alternate plane where money is called like Hoo-de-haa and everyone has a magical power and is either British or an elf........
.....................................
I'm just confused here. I understand the value of a video game don't get me wrong, but to play it so often that it takes over your actual life, and your actual life becomes that which is in the game, to me is quite sad.
so maybe I'm getting on my soapbox here....
BUT
there is just so much to do in the real world. Why spend your life on the couch lost in WOW?
this argument is a little hard for me to fight just because I catch myself doing that which I condemn with the sims....
however, because of how I feel, I really do limit my playing. The sims is pretty much the only game I play and to be honest, I haven't played in about a month.
so I just do not know. All I know is I just do not understand the hours of fun one can have with WOW and the like.

"God is Love"

I was tooling around today, and I stumbled upon my great nana's grave, and found this enscribed on the back, and it got me thinking...God is Love...
what exactly does that mean? I find myself repeating the phrase in my head, to no finite definition. I really enjoy the saying, but I don't want to go toting it around without a definition. God is love...does it mean that those who do not know love, do not know God? What kind of love is God?
Romantic?
Familial?
Platonic?
love of Material goods?
This whole past week spent with a friend has me seriously thinking about "love", and what my real block is to it-I've tried and come back unsuccessful in my attempts to find love.
My friend very wisely gave me an evaluation in which he said that I need to learn who I am before I can have love.
I was all confused.
I thought I knew myself....
thought.
I then asked myself, "well, who are you?"
and I didn't come up with much.
I was floored.
Didn't come up with much??? WHAT!?!
So I've been trying to compile a list of who Nicholas Aro is.
I am a
1. young man (I don't quite feel "a man" (whatever that is) yet)
2. a music lover
3. a helper
4. an appreciator of art
5. a questioner
6. a dreamer

this list makes me wonder if I'm still caught up in the ropes of Adolescence. I guess at this point I just do not know. Of that list, the last two are the two that resonate most strongly within me at the moment.
But to reel it in, and go all the way back to God is Love.
I guess I would agree with that statement; personally, I see God in everything, especially music and art. For me, what ignites the creative soul within everyone is what God is. It is that voice, that intention you feel within that compels you to do something. God for me is not the literal person that Christianity would like us to think.

and Yes, God is love.

So...

Considering my last post was in May, I think an update is in order?
Idk, maybe I can get my life together and actually make an attempt to be cool and trendy and document my life via the internet?
doubtful, but we can try, right?
I saw Julie and Julia tonight..needless to say that is what me feel compelled to write.
And compelled to continue on my path of culinary exploration/delight. I do like to cook a good meal now and again, and what better person to learn from than the eminent Julia Child?
So I picked up "Mastering the Art of French Cooking"
32.00$
Yay for Barnes and Noble Member card!!
I leave for Richmond in about two-ish days and I'm very pumped.
this whole trip will be VERY interesting-not only will I be going someplace new, but kind of "meeting" someone. He and I already know each other well, but being in physical space with a person is honestly so much more educational than talking via telephone and what not.
I think that explains my aversion to the telephone...
So my so planned art expo extravaganza didn't pan out as expected this summer.
At this point, I'm not sure what to do..I want to get my work seen by people, maybe bought, but honestly I don't want to sit on the friggin sidewalk for like 10 hours and have idiots ogle my work
OGLER: "Oh my, youah so talented!"
ME: "really, why don't you buy something instead of ogling/being typical?"
OGLER: "Excuse me?"
ME: "Nevermind. (SIGH)"
So...................ya.............